Hope

And the hit takes us away

into a fantasy world,

where dreams come true;

Lovers fly and riches are won,

we laze about the ocean

and upon candied sand

Oh yes, this hit is so powerful.

But when we fall,

expectations fall.

And when we fall,

we fall.

What's the most dangerous drug?

I personally believe it to be hope. You take a hit, and you delude yourself, fantasize, dream about things that are improbable. And when they aren't actualized, you fall.

Oh, how you fall.

It's the worst type of crush than any drug. It can crush you, break you, cripple you. But there's nothing you do, except keep on hoping.

I feel so... for lack of a better term, "emo", right now. I don't know what I want. I'm confused. Every time I feel that I decide on my feelings, the rest of me just doesn't follow through. I have a swelling in my chest that just needs to let out into a big ball of tears. I feel that would be the perfect cathartic release.

But I feel unable to. Confusion is the worst.

Love

The frame hangs empty

and the honey droops

down the side of the dresser.

The paint was red once, in this room.

A bright, vivid, warm shade of a young girl’s blush,

decayed down to a hunched hue

A cliché from the past,

scrawled with some faded thread

hangs over the frame.

The hinges are snapped,

and on the other side of the way lies the door,

old, faded oak.

The strength gasps from the rings in the wood.

And my honey drips.

My attention so fixated on the amber drops.

The jar that once held things so sweet,

cemented in an exhibit,

clenched tightly,

like the talons of a dragon over its gold

The mess is everywhere,

sticky,

so, so sticky.

But not the least bit sweet.

Huddled in the corner, under the empty square

where a window would hang,

I think of nothing, but the monster,

ripping out my door,

waiting

just for me outside.

I can hear it breathe, outside my doorway.

The heavy breaths,

the seductive sighs,

the tempting whispers.

Hear no evil

Hear no evil

Hear no evil

But the voice pries my fingers away from my ears

and asks for my permission.

My brain whispers no,

My mouth whispered yes.

I know everyone writes about love. I know I have previously. But writing poetry is about being human. And loving is something humans strive for.

I haven't posted in over a year and a half now. I finished this project, and there was really no longer any need to keep this up.

I'm not writing a poem a day any more. I'm writing when it's natural again. And my poems feel so much more natural now.

I don't know why I got the sudden urge to come back to this blog; today's senses would decree that a tumblr would be in order.

I have one of those. It doesn't do quite what I want.

I just want to keep writing. And I want to blog about my thoughts. Somewhere where few people are reading. And if people do find it, that's fine. Putting thoughts into the public eye is so cathartic. Even if the public eye is blind.

I don't really quite know where my life is right now. I read these old poems and remember those days, and how different my circumstances were. Right now, I'm just existing.

I've forgotten how to breathe. And to live.

There is so much confusion in life. I suppose that's why we turn to poetry. Vague words that pretend to let us understand our own vague circumstances. And understand I'll try.

And here I go. Again.