We
thought the sun was old
so,
We
sought a little gold
and
We
caught a little cold
for
We
got a little bold
when
We
brought our loving holds
that
We
thought would never mold
though
We
bought those shallow souls
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I think this is my favorite of your December ones so far. <3
ReplyDeleteThough is there any reason you added a comma after the "so" and not "and", "for", etc? I like the extra pause it adds, though.
Overall this one has a really nice rhythm to it, but I think it could be improved if you combined the every 3rd line with the 4th ones, as the two small words on seperate lines seem to create too much pause for too little.