12.09.2009

Scene 109: Under the Mirror-blue Ocean

Running lights across the ocean
vast and lofty
wishes dance in navy motions
swift and free
sweeping in empty erosions
light and sweet
filled with all the hidden emotions
hopeless, carefree

1 comment:

  1. Is there any way you could rearrange the lines a bit? I noticed that "vast and lofty" has the same syllables as "hopeless, carefree"; "swift and free" and "light and sweet" have the same amount. Maybe you did it on purpose, but I think if you switched them so it went 4, 3, 4, 3 instead of 4, 3, 3, 4, it would flow nicer. (:

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